


Eternal, Like the Stars - Fic

by Anonymous



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies), Doctor Who, Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, Gen, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Timey-Wimey, accidentally without slashing, boris bikes, boris is a genius, cheese is important, questionable history, what ho!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:49:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2332529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor bumps into Boris and adventure happens. Deliberate Badfic for the Bad bang 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The fic

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Eternal, Like The Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314439) by Anonymous. 



“You look like a nice chap, do you have 10p I can borrow?” Boris said as he tapped the tall man on the shoulder.

“10p? Why do you need 10p?” The Doctor said very Scottishly as he turned to look at Boris.

“I need it to make a phone call.” Boris said. “I can’t getin my phone box without it.”

“But your the Mayor!” The Doctor said. “Don’t you have minions who can give you 10p?”

“No, no, I sent them off somewhere while I did something. Do you have 10p?”

“Don’t carry money.” The Doctor said.

“I say, I don’t know you from somewhere, do I?” Boris said, stopping the Doctor from walking off by holding onto his arm.

“I don’t think so.” Said the Doctor. Or did he? He shook Boris off his arm and paced slightly, before clicking his fingers at him. “Your the Mayor!”

“I know!” Boris said. “Oh no you’re not going to talk to me about your country are you I don’t really feel like a debate at the moment I just want to get in my phone box.”

“No no no you’re not listening to what I’m saying.” The Doctor said. “Your _The Mayor_.”

“I know, I was elected. Campaigned and everything, jolly good lot of people here in London, didn’t think I’d last as long as I have. Seem to like me, think I’m one of them really.”

“Except you’re not.”

“Well I am! I live in London that makes me as much a Londoner as some others. Do you have 10p by the way?”

“No. Show me your phone box.”

“I can’t really show you it without the money to make a call.” Boris said, but complied. “She’s a lovely little thing, bit saucy sometimes so mind where you put yourself.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m used to phone boxes.”

“Okay.” Boris said and got on his bicycle. “You’ll need a Boris Bike. Marvellous things they are, I put them all over London. Shame you don’t have a helmet, but I can’t give you mine, I need to protect my hair.” He stroked the luscious blond locks before securing his helmet on his head securely and riding off into the traffic rather precariously. The Doctor sonic’d a Boris Bike and followed him, frowining at the handlebars. When the Doctor caught up to Boris he found the mayor standing outside an old red phone box, which was quite impressive especially as it was nicely painted because most phone boxes nowadays are hulking plastic squares with adverts or sharpie cocks on them that smell like urine.

“Here she is!” Boris said proudly, tapping on the side of the phone box. The Doctor frowned at it and got his sonic screwdriver out and zapped it at it. It didn’t read as anything unusual. He had thought it was going to be a Tardis. Maybe the mayor wasn’t The Mayor. “Come in, come in.” Boris said a she stepped into it, gesturing for the Doctor to get in after him. They squidged into the small space inside the phone box and the Doctor looked nonchalantly at the advertisements for phone sex that were stuck around the phone (becasue he wanted tosomething to look at not becasue he wanted sex with the phone). Boris muttered about 10p several times as he patted his pockets and nearly poked the Doctor in the face several times (the Doctor had had to scrunch down to fit). When he finally found 10p he put it in the phone and dialled some numbers and the Doctor thought he felt a bit like Bill or Ted and thought maybe boris was Ted as they both had floppy hair whereas in his previous regeneration he would have looked more like Ted but his regeneration before that had shoes more like Ted becasue Ted wore converse and he'd worn converse with his suits then realised actually as he knew about time he was probably more like Rufus and wondered at Boris not having a phone book but then Boris said:

“Hello! It’s The Mayor. I want my phone box, please.”

And the phone box around them shimmied slightly so he hung up and the Tardis noise didn’t happen but the Tardis appeared around them but it was Boris’ Tardis and he didn’t keep the breaks on so it didn't make the vworp vworp noise becasuse that's the breaks.

The Doctor looked round in a bit of surprise at the room with a Corinthian column at its centre (because that’s the pretty type with the frills at the top, rather than Dorian or Ionic columns that look a bit more boring and boris likes history so he'd have the best one*), the console arranged around it on ping pong tables (“wiff-waff tables” Boris had told the Docyor) and with a miniature bendy bus trundling along around it, hitting random buttons as it went until Boris told it to behave and it scuttled back to the centre and the mini road that was laid out for it.

“1066!” Boris shouted, programming it into the Tardis as he did.

“The Battle of Hastings?” The Doctor asked, looking confused and not sure at all because he’d left his tardis in the time he’d just walked out of (that he really should have made a note of).

“Don’t be silly, that was in 1609.” Boris replied. “We’re going to the Great Fire of London!”

“That wasn’t- I think your grasp on English history may be even worse than mine-“

“Nonsense old chap! History is a marvellous thing, I might gets dates a bit muddled but it’s always a jolly good adventure!”

The Doctor fiddles with the console and hopes he puts it to 1666 before a miniature bike wheel falls off it that he puts in his pocket and pretends he doesn’t have.

“Why are we going to see the great fire?”

“To get cheese, of course!”

“Cheese?” the schottish accent was out in full force as his voice got a bit louder in surprise.

“Cheese!” Boris almost sang, bounding around the console room. “Can’t have a party without cheese, and I already have the guests and the wine in the after dinner room. Even Bacchus has come along, what a spiffing fellow. Such tasty grapes, and I’m sure you’d love him! Roman deities are a lot of fun, and the women-“ Boris stopped to grin and waggle his eyebrows “Very nice.”

“But why do you need to go there to get cheese?”

“Because it’s buried! Like a treasure hunt, but with added peril of fire and reduced peril of pirates. There’s a diaryist called Peyps you see-“

“Er-“ The Doctor said at mention of the man, a man he didn’t really want to meet again and would be happy not meeting again. “Maybe I should get going. Got a companion you see, can’t really leave her waiting again…”

“Ohohoho!” Boris chortled and grinned. “I see how it is, you sly fox! Go and get her.” He shoved the Doctor out of the door and waved as he spinned off into the vortex. “Stellar chap.”

The Doctor, thankfully, landed where he was supposed to but had to shake off some bits of time that got stuck to him on the way and were itching. The Mayor had changed a lot since he last met him, or maybe he had. He certainly wasn’t quite as carefree and disasterous now, or at least he hoped not. He wasn’t even sure if he had recognised him or not, but that was the Mayor. Always a bit vacant but beloved.

He brushed himself off and went off in a search for a Clara.

Boris landed and got out of his Tardis and looked back at her and sighed when he saw it had turned into a post box.

“Must be her time of the month.” Boris muttered, then hefted his spade over his shoulder and set off on a hunt for the cheese.


	2. After the credits sort of thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Ted meet Botis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this came to me after finishing the main fic and I had to include it becasue how could I not. But it's not part of the main fic it's just kinda an extra bit.

“Bill?”

“Yes Ted?”

“There’s a man in our phone box.”

They looked at their phone box and saw Boris standing inside it, gesturing and talking. Bill nodded to himself and started walking over there but was stopped by Ted grabbing his arm.

“Bill?”

“Yes Ted?”

“He has cheese the size of his head.”

They both looked at him.

“I’ll be careful.” Bill said.

“But Bill.” Ted said. “He has _cheese the size of his head_. Can we take him with us?”

Bill shrugged, then Ted shrugged, then they both toddled up to Boris.

“Hey, dude.” Bill said. “You’re in our phone box.”

“Terribly sorry chaps but I seem to be a bit lost. My 10p isn’t working, either. Do you know how I can make a call on this thing?”

“You can’t, it’s a time machine.” Ted said. “And it only takes quarters.”

“Bloody thing.” Botis muttered.

“Who are you?” Bill asked.

“I’m they Mayor.” Boris replied.

“Woahh.” Ted said, then shook his head in confusion. “Mayor of what?”

“Oh.” Boris said. “London.”

“Woahhh.” Bill and Ted said together.

“That’s like, near Europe.” Ted said. Bill nodded.

“Well I’m trying to get back so I don’t know if you chaps could help me…?”

“Sure!” Ted said, brightening at the opportunity. “We’ll take you to London and you can give us some of your cheese.”

“What time in London?” Bill asked. “We’ve only been once and that was rad but I don’t want to see those royal ugly dudes again.”

“Anytime around 2012 or so will do me fine.” Boris said.

“Woahhhhhh.” Ted said. “You’re from the future.”

“I am?” Said Boris. “Jolly good. Just drop me off there and I won’t be a bother, then.”

They flicked through the phone book and found the right number and took off to take boris back to London so he could use the phone to get his tardis back.

“It was nice meeting you!” Ted said, waving lots and enthusiastically as Boris got out of their phone box.

“It was!” Boris replied. “Be good to each other!”

Billa dn Ted looked at each other with scrunched faces as that wasn’t quite right but they decided to reply properly anyway.

“Party on, dude!” They chorused then shut themselves back in their phone box and started arguing over which time and place to go to next.

**Author's Note:**

> * it's only my opinion that corinthian colums are the best, but they totally are. google them and see. So much nicer than Dorian and Ionic.


End file.
